By Linda Burbidge
Originally published by Dakota Farmer at farmprogress.com
Winter has a way of slowing everything down. The days are shorter, the nights are longer, and for many people, there is more time alone with their thoughts. While winter is often associated with cozy moments and quiet reflection, it can also be one of the hardest seasons of the year—especially in rural farming communities.
On the farm, winter doesn’t always mean rest. Chores still need to be done, animals still need care, bills still arrive, and planning for the next season never really stops. At the same time, winter often brings added stress: tight finances, uncertainty about markets, and fewer social interactions. When family dynamics, grief, or unresolved challenges are already present, the weight can feel heavier during these colder months.
Mental health struggles are more common than many people realize, yet they are still rarely talked about openly in rural communities. There is a long-standing belief that you should be able to handle things on your own, that you push through and keep going. While that mindset has helped generations of farmers survive tough times, it can also make it incredibly hard to admit when something isn’t right.
People struggle for many reasons. It might be ongoing stress and exhaustion. It might be anxiety or depression that slowly builds over time. For others, it’s triggered by a major life event—the loss of a loved one, a divorce, financial strain, or past trauma that hasn’t had the space or support to heal. These experiences don’t just disappear because there is work to be done. They often linger quietly, showing up as irritability, isolation, trouble sleeping, or a constant sense of being overwhelmed.
In small towns, where “everyone knows everyone,” seeking help can feel especially daunting. Privacy is limited, and the fear of gossip or being labeled can stop people from reaching out. Talking about mental health means being vulnerable—and vulnerability can feel risky when your neighbors, coworkers, and even family members are part of the same close-knit community. For farmers, who may already feel pressure to appear strong for their families and operations, admitting they are struggling can feel like a personal failure, even though it is not.
But struggling does not mean you are failing. It means you are human.
So how do you ask for help when you really don’t want to ask for help?
Start by lowering the bar. Asking for help doesn’t have to be a dramatic conversation or a full explanation of everything you’re feeling. It can be as simple as telling someone, “I’m not doing great,” or “I’ve been having a hard time lately.” You don’t need the right words, and you don’t need to have everything figured out.
Choose one safe person. Think about who feels least intimidating to talk to—a spouse, a sibling, a trusted friend, a neighbor, a fellow farmer, or even a faith leader. It doesn’t have to be the “perfect” person. It just has to be someone who will listen without judgment.
Use indirect help if direct conversations feel too hard. Calling or texting a confidential hotline, using online chat services, or exploring telehealth counseling can be a good first step. These options provide privacy and allow you to talk to someone who doesn’t know you or your community. Sometimes it’s easier to say things out loud to a stranger first. Suicide & Crisis Lifelines are available 24/7 in all states. Call or text 988 for free, confidential support for emotional distress, mental health crises, or when you just need someone to talk to. Your call will be answered by someone in your state.
Lean on familiar systems. Extension services, farm organizations, agricultural lenders, and rural health clinics often have information or connections to mental health resources. Even if they aren’t providing counseling themselves, they can help point you in the right direction.
Give yourself permission to need support. Many farmers are used to taking care of everyone else—family, livestock, land—often putting their own needs last. But taking care of your mental health is not selfish. It helps you show up better for the people and responsibilities that matter most.
Winter can feel isolating, but you are not alone in how you feel. Others in your community are likely experiencing similar struggles, even if no one is talking about it. Every time someone chooses to reach out, it helps chip away at the stigma and makes it easier for the next person to do the same.
If you’re struggling, know this: asking for help doesn’t mean you can’t handle life—it means you care enough about yourself and your future to take the first step. Help exists, hope exists, and even in the quietest rural places, support can be found.
Burbidge is a North Dakota Farm Management Education Program instructor at Dakota College at Bottineau and writes from Bottineau. The North Dakota Farm Management Education Program provides lifelong learning opportunities in economic and financial management for persons involved in the farming and ranching business. Visit ndfarmmanagement.com, Facebook @NDFarmManagementEducation, or contact Madison Bodine, State Supervisor for Farm Management Education, at mbodine@nd.gov or 701-328-4567 for more information. The ND Farm Management Education Program is sponsored by the North Dakota Department of Agriculture.